Me Gusta: September 3rd, 2021
Treat yourself to a beach day, delicious chicken, and a bidet!
My last birthday happened under the specter of the pandemic, so I asked people to Venmo me money instead of gathering to celebrate me, which turned out to be a fantastic idea — I’ve always been uptight about spending, but getting that cash to blow on presents taught me just how good it feels to buy things. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to incorporate a bit of indulgence in my life, or as Parks and Rec would put it, treat my self. So for this week, I recommend you treat yourself to…
A day at Rockaway Beach
The pitch: get your beach on without even leaving New York!
Me gusta porque: I had vaguely heard of Rockaway before, but since my standard of beach is that of Brazil, I wasn’t really interested. Then last year, one of my friends convinced me to go, and I discovered it’s quite all right — not Brazil-level, but keep in mind this is New York City, land of piss and rats, so “quite all right” is very high praise! You can take the ferry there, which doubles a delightful (and cheap!) tour of the New York Bay; you can get good food (I recommend Boardwalk Bagel, very yummy); and you can always find a roomy spot on the sand to drink the day away and go for the occasional dip in the water. No Labor Day weekend plans? Now you have them!
Cost: $5.50 for a round trip on the ferry or subway.
I don’t live in New York! Well then go to a beach near where you live.
There are no beaches where I live! Listen, this is a newsletter, not 311. Figure it out.
Popeyes Chicken Nuggets
The pitch: The deliciousness of Popeyes fried chicken, with none of the bones.
Me gusta porque: I am known in my circles as a McDonald’s man (my traditional Lent sacrifice is giving its burgers up), and never really cared for Popeyes because of the aforementioned bones one has to eat around, which contradict the concept of fast food being easy and fun. Then one day I tried its infamous spicy chicken sandwich, and I’ve never looked back: it’s tasty, it’s crunchy, it’s got a great selection of sides… it’s just so good, I eat it every week! Now Popeyes has introduced its younger sibling, the chicken nuggets — a delightful treat that, unlike the sandwich, usually leaves me pleasantly full without causing meat sweats. You can pick between a bunch of dipping sauces, but the correct choice is Mardi Gras Mustard (when in Fake Louisiana…)
Cost: Depends on where you live, but a full meal (nuggets + side + drink) usually goes for $10 or less.
I already tried them! Then get their apple pie and let me know what you think. I can’t quite choose between theirs and McDonald’s; while Popeyes is tastier, since it’s deep friend and sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon, McD’s is baked and has an open crust that makes up for the restrained taste with a crunchier texture.
A bidet
The pitch: a tiny shower just for your booty.
Me gusta porque: Bidets are quite common in Argentina and Brazil, so I only lost touch with them in my mid-20s, once I moved to the U.S., and while I resented the lack of enhanced butt hygiene, I had bigger concerns (like paying rent and figuring out my visa). Then a few weeks ago I read an in-depth bidet investigation by The Atlantic, and realized that in chasing the American dream, I had given up too much, and needed bidets back in my life. Being a basic bitch, I went with Tushy, one of those millennial brands that uses pastel colors, advertises on podcasts, and makes cheeky puns (in this case, “cheeky puns” is a cheeky pun). It’s a very simple design that goes under your toilet seat and hooks up to the water behind it; I got the Spa version, which also hooks up to the warm water under your sink to give you temperature options. It only took me about 20 minutes to install, and now I walk around with a sparkling clean booty (and dread the idea of pooping outside my house).
Cost: you can get much cheaper ones Amazon; the regular Tushy is $99 pre-taxes (though, if you use this link they gave me, you’ll get a $10 coupon and I’ll get something called “butt bucks” — for real).
I already own one! Then get yourself a Squatty Potty and poop even better! I just exchanged my OG model for Tushy’s version, the Ottoman, which is smaller and therefore I trip less on while walking around my bathroom.
Shameless self-promotion
My piece “We’ll Be Emerging Until We’re Fifty,” a roundtable with other Latine playwrights, is now up on The Brooklyn Rail magazine!
My play Machine Learning is streaming September 13-October 10 as part of Two River Theater’s Crossing Borders Festival — for free!