I recently went to see Marry Me in theaters—as a movie that stars both JLo and Maluma, it’d be against my values not to watch it. It’s the classic rom-com story: Owen Wilson doesn’t know how to use social media, JLo doesn’t know how to use a blender, they fall in love as they learn from each other (Maluma, being on the losing side of the triangle, doesn’t learn anything). Inspired by this, I briefly considered doing a “best JLo movies” edition, as suggested by a friend, but that would require me watching her more prestigious work, like Selena or Out Of Sight, that I’m sure is great but can never bring myself to press play on. So instead, I’m doing a “favorite rom-coms” edition! Starting with the queen herself.
Starring JLo: Shall We Dance?
The pitch: it’s like that time you tried Duolingo and gave up in a week but with ballroom dancing, no one gives up, and everyone is played by a beautiful actor.
Me gusta porque: you might be surprised I didn’t pick Maid in Manhattan, and I understand why. It’s thought of as THEE JLo rom-com, probably because it’s the most fairytale-like, and one of the few in which she actually plays a Latina (and a Puerto Rican specifically). But my favorite has to be Shall We Dance? Unlike her other rom-coms, JLo is not the protagonist (that would be Richard Gere) nor the girl the protagonist ends up with (that would be Susan Sarandon—yes, the casting of this movie is STACKED). And also very uncharacteristically, she doesn’t play an ambitious workaholic who won’t let anyone get in the way of her dreams. She used to be that, before the movie starts, but she failed and gave up, and now she’s super bummed out. She’s so bummed out, in fact, that Richard Gere sees her staring longingly out of a window as his train passes by and realizes just how bummed out he is. This, in turn, leads him to take dance lessons at the studio where JLo teaches, possibly hoping to bang JLo and get out of his funk—but he discovers that dance was the answer all along, and gets everyone out of their funks. I’m being facetious, of course; it’s actually a heartfelt movie and it has a beautiful monologue by JLo that led me to realize how bummed I was when I last rewatched it, during the lockdown. And it’s also quite fun and uplifting, in part because of its supporting players (which include Bobby Carnavale, Stanley Tucci, and Lisa Ann Walter—watch Abbot Elementary!) and in part because it was just that time in the 2000s in which movies resolved every single plotline in a happy way… whatever happened to that?
Where? HBO Max (or rent it from other places)
I’ve already watched it! The Lisa Ann Walter connection (watch Abbot Elementary!) demands I recommend the 1998 remake of The Parent Trap, which is a rom-com if you consider that it’s a Nancy Meyers movie and that a lot of it revolves around getting Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson (RIP) back together. Can 12-year-olds really perfect a Britsh/American accent in a matter of weeks to the point of fooling their own parents? Why do Martin and Chessy end up together, when they’re both clearly gay? And most importantly: should the parents of twins split them up and never tell them about each other if they get divorced? Is that kind of gaslighting legal? Don’t they deserve jail time, and to have their children taken away by Social Services? These are all questions the movie has no interest in answering, and neither should you, because focusing on them would prevent you from enjoying the most iconic Disney villain of all time: Meredith Blake, who’ll be with you in a minute.
But give me something starring JLo! The other day I tried to watch Selena or Out of Sight, but instead I found myself rewatching The Back-up Plan, which I had only the vaguest of memories of and which I fully expected to be an unsalvageable piece of shit (why was I watching it, then? I am a trash human being, of course). Shockingly, it wasn’t that bad? Sure, it has way too many supporting characters, and it definitely does not handle the issues of single parenthood and assisted reproduction with sensitivity. But I found the core relationship to be surprisingly cohesive (if underdeveloped—the leads don’t get enough screentime for us to fall in love with them) and I did laugh out loud twice, which is rare for me: one when JLo has to pull a pregnancy test out of her dog’s mouth, and two in a scene with Melissa McCarthy playing a stereotypical but still funny role as the leader of the support group Single Mothers And Proud.
Starring Julia Roberts: My Best Friend’s Wedding
The pitch: a Julia Roberts rom-com that basically makes fun of all the other Julia Roberts rom-coms while still being a pretty effective rom-com itself.
Me gusta porque: a lot of you are probably crying heresy because I didn’t pick Notting Hill. And to that I will say: if the category was “Starring Hugh Grant,” then yes, I’d pick Notting Hill. But if a terrorist managed to take charge of the world’s streaming services and gave me the Sophie’s choice of picking just one Julia Roberts movie to save before the rest of her work was deleted for eternity, I’d choose My Best Friend’s Wedding. Much like Shall We Dance? has JLo turning her usual plucky self on her head, MBFW finds Julia Roberts playing the person that all her other characters would actually be if they weren’t trapped in a rom-com. The way Julia Roberts plays her heroines makes them way too sarcastic and cynical to realistically live happily ever after, and this movie acknowledges it and takes it to the next level, by having her realize she’s bound to die alone. Thus she decides to try and separate her best friend (Dermot Mulroney, whose scar he got not for a sexy reason but from feeding rabbits) from his new fiance (Cameron Diaz, who as I type her last name I’m thinking “is she Latina?” and the answer is kinda?), while being told by her actual best friend (Rupert Everett) that this is a bad idea. It’s often been said that Everett walks away with the movie, and while I find that a bit of an exaggeration (that would be an erasure of Diaz’s iconic karaoke scene), I do feel like his presence is responsible for making the point of the movie really land: that we’re only gonna die alone if we hold ourselves hostage to a specific definition of happiness. The ending of the movie was famously changed to support this, and that’s probably why I like it so much, and why I wrote my own take on it.
Where? Netflix (or rent it from other places)
I’ve already watched it! Then read this great retelling of its production, which also manages to examine the rom-com field in general and why MBFW could be considered a turning point in history, after which romantic comedies had to either grow up or die. Sadly, they died. Or rather, they were tortured by Judd Apatow for a while, and then they died.
But give me another Julia Roberts movie! Jeez, what’s up with you today? So needy! Fine: go watch Notting Hill. While we were watching Marry Me, in fact, my friend commented that it was a poor man’s Notting Hill—which, as cruel a jab as it was, is also accurate? To be fair, Notting Hill has some pretty big shoes, and to ask another movie to fill them is a tall order. Hugh Grant is at his Hugh Grantest, Julia Roberts delivers another meta performance (in this case, by basically playing herself), and everything from the setting to the soundtrack to the supporting cast is pretty perfect. It’s one of the few (if not the only) rom-coms that can completely sell me on romantic love, which should impress you because I am a BIG romantic love skeptic. (To be fair I was also a cat skeptic and look how that turned out).
Starring Drew Barrymore: Music and Lyrics
The pitch: the music industry world and the “famous person dates a normal” dynamics of Marry Me but sweeter, goofier, and without JLo (a con in my book, but the movie manages to rise above it).
Me gusta porque: I imagine you’re all trying to get me canceled/fired from my job/banned from public appearances for not choosing Never Been Kissed or The Wedding Singer (to explore in other newsletters: is my readership as combative as I imagine? Could it be that they just read things, go “cool!” and move on?) But, while not being my top Hugh Grant pick (see above), Music and Lyrics is one of my favorite rom-coms ever and definitely my favorite starring Drew Barrymore. She doesn’t do anything particularly different from her usual trade (“ditzy girl who slowly reveals there’s more to her”) but the movie puts this energy to good use, giving her a backstory that totally justifies why it’s her default to hide her full potential. She comes off as relatable—a task that many directors seem to have given her but not many helped her achieve—and it’s impossible not to fall in love with her in this one. Hugh Grant also puts his trusty self-deprecation to good use: he’s not a regular pathetic man, he’s a has-been pop singer whose self-deprecation comes from the fact that society at large deprecates him too. The movie’s plot engine—that he gets the opportunity to stage a come-back but it all depends on her helping him write the perfect pop song—is contrived (though not quite Marry Me contrived), but its details are wonderfully specific, particularly Kristen Johnston playing Drew Barrymore’s sister and almost walking away with the movie à la Rupert Everett. And the takedown of the music industry, while being a central theme, does not override the charming relationship at its core. AND there are some really good bops in it, both for Hugh Grant’s character and for a pop star played by Haley Bennett, whose Britney Spears impression should’ve aged poorly but somehow hasn’t (probably because she’s mocking audiences more than Britney herself).
Where? You’ll have to rent this one, sadly.
I’ve already watched it! I’ll keep this simple and recommend a Drew Barrymore movie, lest you complain again. BUT it will not be Never Been Kissed or The Wedding Singer, it’ll be 50 First Dates! “It’s a worse copy of The Wedding Singer!” you complain. And I will admit that yes, both feature Adam Sandler, and both have him singing a love song to Drew Barrymore. And there’s a lot to dislike: Rob Schneider doing his usual problematic things, a lot of gross humor, and weird power dynamics between the leads that make the central concept kinda murky. But still, there’s something about this movie that I really love. It could be the Hawaii setting, or the fact that all the characters genuinely care for Drew Barrymore and you can feel it, OR the fact that the movie doesn’t ask us to sympathize with Adam Sandler from the start (unlike The Wedding Singer) and really puts him through the paces to make him win our hearts. It’s nowhere close to Notting Hill-levels of selling me on romantic love, but I still get a good feeling rewatching it.
Shameless self-promotion:
I profiled C. Julian Jiménez (formerly known as J. Julian Christopher) for American Theatre Magazine!
Recently I did the very-non me thing of choosing a hill to die on, which in this case was getting New Dramatists to stop requiring writers to be U.S. Citizens or permanent residents to apply for the Princess Grace Awards Playwriting Fellowship—and they heard me out and reversed it! Hooray! Tell all your international friends! And if you’re running a program that asks people to be U.S. Citizens or permanent residents for no good reason, stop! (For the full story, read my Twitter thread).